On morning sickness and being grateful.

If I take into account the error involved in dating a pregnancy by the last menstrual period (I don't ovulate at the proscribed time, and therefore am off by 3 days), I'm pretty sure that I'm officially finished my first trimester, and at least one or two days into my second.

Everywhere I look, I read about how the second trimester is better, both in terms of the exhaustion and the nausea. I have noticed some differences lately, but I'm not sure that I'm completely past either one.

The nausea has changed its pattern, and it's a pretty clear change. Up until last week, I was nauseous all day, every day. It would wax and wane, and it seemed that if I could eat through it I'd feel better for about an hour, then it would return. Lately, though, the mornings are still really bad (maybe even a little bit worse), but the afternoons are usually nearly incident-free. I'm hoping that I'll be able to get a period of time each day that stretches to seven or eight hours, so that I can get my productivity back up. I can now eat supper successfully most days, and lunch usually. I'm working my way back to breakfast.

The exhaustion is also still there, but it's changed too. I'm finding it harder and harder to get to sleep, even when I'm really tired, but I can't sleep in anymore. I'd gotten into a routine of going to bed early, and then getting up after 10 hours of sleep, whenever that happened to be (God bless forgiving employers!). The past few days, I've been waking up earlier and earlier, no matter when I get to sleep. Maybe this means I'm getting back into a normal routine. I sure hope so.

Another pregnant blogger posted on Monday about how she's eternally grateful to be pregnant, but that she's not grateful for the symptoms (her situation has been far more trying than mine, and she has my support and respect for it). I used to tell everyone that I was happy to be sick, because it meant that a healthy pregnancy was more likely from the get-go, and I now realize that's not true. Most people aren't happy with being sick all day long, or with less restful sleep patterns. Who in their right mind would be thrilled being less productive at work, or being unable to enjoy cooking and eating as much as they used to? That doesn't mean we're not thrilled to be pregnant.

I have never been happier, or more excited, or more scared, all at the same time. I'm grateful for my feelings, and I'm grateful for my child. I'm trying to appreciate my changing shape, as a preview of the life changes that are coming.

I think for today, though, I'm going to forget about all those big picture things. For today, I'm grateful for the fact that my lunch is settling, and I'm feeling well enough to do some computer work from home.